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Sunny Destinations
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31 years old. Blonde. Blue eyes. Mother. Daughter. Girl Friend. Friend. Race car driver. World Class Waitress. Anxious for more? 2004 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April If you must go, go here.
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Photos by: StockStash Graphics by: Twisted Creations |
| Mom |
| 08.31.04 (9:37 pm) |
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I love my mother with all of my heart. I respect her in a way most people just can’t understand. She and I had a bond that started at birth. See, I was a sick child, in a variety of ways. I was allergic to EVERYTHING, seriously. I existed on soy because I couldn’t digest anything else. Not even breast milk. I was deathly allergic to aspirin, as well as any type of anti-inflammatory. I was the one that needed her the most. My brother four years my elder, was very independent, the same as my sister, seven years younger. The older I got, the harder it was for her to let go. It resulted in my leaving, and it has never been the same. I had a new friend that my mom cared nothing about. She swore to me she would never choose my friends, but refused to let me hang out with this girl. She didn’t trust her wisdom. She was wise, about things my mother preferred I knew nothing about! So I left. I moved out of my mom’s house and scarred her with a pain that would never recede . This sparked a beginning for me. A very treacherous and emotional life awaited me, and I was clueless. Everything my mother ever tried to teach me, I ignored. I dove right into my own independence like I knew how to swim. I made some horrible choices that to this day, I still regret. Despite my best attempts not to. However, I also gained much more than I ever lost. I’m so very thankful for this. My mother tried, and for that I will love her with all of my heart. I now see what she sacrificed for me all those years ago. It makes me incomprehensibly proud to have her as my mother. Even though I've spent all of my life trying my hardest not to be her, I’ve come to realize I am SO very much like her. It scares me. My mother has her quirks….like no one else’s mother does. She is an avid gardener, ex-truck driver, accountant, HUGE drag racing fan (yes…she is my #1 fan!!), devoted wife/mother/grandmother, and my daughter's namesake. My mother is a border line genius, who can’t remember my name. As much as I want to say I’m sorry for what I did so long ago, I can’t. Those choices put me where I am today. Had I not, I don’t think I would have the respect I have for her today. I wouldn’t have been able to see all that this woman was willing to endure, for my well being. I’m so very thankful for her now. I make it a point to tell her that as much as I possibly can! Hug your moms!! They deserve it!! |
| 13 Comments |
| Lesson’s learned |
| 08.29.04 (10:06 am) |
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The past twelve months have been interesting to say the least. The events that have occurred during that time have been trying. I’ve always been an optimistic person, always trying to see the good through the darkness. Lately that’s been a little difficult. Someone said to me not long ago, “learn something from all this…and tell me what you've learned.” She is wise..yes?! I have learned from all the turmoil that has occurred in the past twelve months. I don’t know that I can put it into words, but I’ve drawn from it. I refuse to let life get me down. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. God gives you choices, and what you choose to do, is yours. I choose to drive… I love music, it means a lot to me, always has. This song sums it all up…hope you like it! Drive by Incubus Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear And I can’t help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague Haunting mass appeal Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there With open arms and open eyes yeah Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, It's driven me before, it seems to be the way That everyone else get around Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there With open arms and open eyes yeah Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there Would you choose water over wine Hold the wheel and drive Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there With open arms and open eyes yeah Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there |
| 9 Comments |
| Random |
| 08.28.04 (1:28 am) |
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Things I miss… The innocence of my youth…Playing cards with my best friend…Drinking coffee with my mom…My daughters chubby cheaks…Weekends at the lake…Racing…Manicures …Every pair of shoes I have ever owned, but no longer have…Chocolate chip cookies and Apple sauce… What about You? |
| 41 Comments |
| Excitement or lack there of… |
| 08.25.04 (8:25 pm) |
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I’m so sucking at this blogging thing. Not only have I not been writing anything really worth reading, I haven’t read much either. With all that has been going on, I guess this just hasn’t been a priority. Life is funny like that. One minute you’re on top of the world, and full of things to say. The next minute your moving so fast with so much to do, you can’t even remember if you wiped the last time you took a shit? You keep catching this whiff of an odor that might be shit. It’s not on the bottom of my shoe….the dog has been walked….the litter has been changed. Then you come to realize, it’s you. Not literally, I’m speaking hypothetically. My mood has been so shitty lately, it’s starting to smell. I have to do something to get out of this funk I’m in. I haven’t seen Jenn in what seems like forever. I’m going down there Saturday though. I need to do something now! I think I’ll get up early and get ready, take Bethany to school and then go where ever. Any suggestions? *Secretly I'm hoping Jenn will call and want to have lunch......(hint..hint...) |
| 17 Comments |
| Oops doesn't even begin to cover it.... |
| 08.24.04 (7:44 am) |
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I'm am so frustrated. Went to work today, got there thirty minutes early, only to find out that I can't work there. Seems they will not let relatives work in the same department. They tried to find another job else where for me, but they didn't have anything. So...back to the job search! I'm just a little more than irritated that no one called to let me know! |
| 14 Comments |
| Conflict |
| 08.19.04 (4:23 pm) |
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I really despise conflict. Despite things, I’m fixing to be right in the middle of a BIG one. Billy has a son that is six years old. Without going into great detail, there is about to be a huge battle between her, us and his family. It’s going to be ugly and it’s going to be expensive. I personally feel it could be handled better, but I’m the only one that thinks that. I’m just a little stressed out and preoccupied by this. Trying to study the laws and see where we stand. If anyone has any information or advice as to how to go about learning as much as one can about the laws for Non-custodial parents in the State of Texas, PLEASE leave a comment!! I haven’t lost my sense of humor though! ; ) I hope all is well with all my blog “peeps” as CP likes to put it! |
| 13 Comments |
| Back to school…..sucks!! |
| 08.16.04 (10:00 pm) |
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Trying to get this child registered for school is worse than going to the dentist, and I HATE going to the dentist! Once a dentist hurt me so bad I shook uncontrollably for over an hour. Yes, it was worse than that! She’s entering Middle School and for some reason the older the kid gets, the dumber the staff gets. Every question I asked had to be discussed with five different people before giving me the answer, “go down the hall and take a left and then another left and then ask them..” Seriously…I scoured the halls of J.L. Long Middle School looking for anyone that could tell me where to get a release form for her previous school records. It will be Wednesday before I can get her all taken care of. The mountain of forms I had to fill out was outrageous to say the least. Why is it necessary to have ten different pages with the exact same questions? I swear to you that they asked for my child’s date of birth at least three times on every form! WTF? I have no clue either why they would want to know I was in labor for 21 hours with this child either. She’s going into 7th grade, not some sort of medical program!! (or is she? Maybe it’s some sort of conspiracy!?) So now I get to go into work for the first time, and ask for time off! Uuggghhhh! There should be an express lane; I think I’ll go write my congressman. |
| 28 Comments |
| Shopping Gene |
| 08.15.04 (9:01 pm) |
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I’m such the proud momma!! My daughter definitely has some of my genes….she can shop like a pro! Shopping is very much a sport for me. I love to shop, for ANYTHING. Groceries, clothes, antiques…whatever, I’m always up for shopping, unless of coarse I’m broke at the time. Bethany and I went shopping Saturday, and spent the entire day doing just that. Some of it was errands, but for the most part it was birthday related. I spent the morning at Petsmart trying to find the perfect mate for Gus (to replace the frozen one in my freezer) It went very well. They’ve been making ALL kinds of strange noises since introduced. If anyone wants a dwarf hamster, just let me know!) The best part was the Mall. I never thought I would utter those words either! We hit the ground running, and my little girl gave ‘em hell ya’ll!! She had several gift cards and cash and she shopped like a trouper. I am so very proud!! She did however splurge and dropped $42 on a pair of really cute jeans. I can’t remember the last time I paid that much for anything I own, with the exception of my shoes…but that’s in itself is an entirely different blog… I can’t express how much fun this girl gets with each passing year. Last year was so hard for both of us. She lived with my mother so that she could go to her old school. I’m so glad she’s back home. She seems like a completely different child now. I can’t believe she’s my kid!? Trust me…Jenn and I cooked up some schemes in our life that would make you slap us to this day! (again…a whole different blog! lol) I have also noticed a few things that I could have done without….My little girl has a beast of a drama queen inside of her. Everything is so very dramatic when it comes to her. If you’ve heard of the movie Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen…I’m sure that Bethany has chosen this to pattern her behavior! She has an exquisite imagination. She’s the only child I know that will have a conversation with herself, using multiple voices. My mother had to check and make sure she was the only one in the shower!! (and she would so kill me if she knew I mentioned that!!) |
| 16 Comments |
| All grown up…. |
| 08.12.04 (10:25 pm) |
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It seems like just yesterday she learned to crawl, on her hands and feet. She never crawled on her knees. It was the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She was born, Thursday, August 13, 1992 at 5:52 pm. I was 20 years old and scared out of my mind! I had no idea how I was going to take care of a baby, when I couldn’t even take care of myself. I just knew that I had to do it though. I can’t explain it. I just knew she was my destiny. I named her Bethany Brook. She was the most beautiful child I have ever seen. Thick black curly hair and the brownest eyes I have ever looked into. She wasn’t due till September 25th, and I was so scared she wouldn’t be “right”. First thing I did was make my mom count all her fingers and toes just to make sure! She was so much better than perfect. She was mine! She’s always been a wonderful child to be around. As a baby she was healthy and happy. As long as she was fed, she was content. She was born hungry and hasn’t slowed down since! She has more energy than one human should be allowed. She’s smart as a whip too! She NEVER forgets anything. (Unless of coarse it’s a chore I’ve asked her to do…) Last night we cleaned her room, one of those cleanings where you have to have multiple trash bags and several boxes. By the time we were done, she had two boxes of donations and one huge bag of trash. She is such a considerate child, she loves to donate her used clothes and toys she has grown out of. Once there was a family just a few blocks away that lost their house in a fire. First thing she did when she got home was go through her closet and the pantry for things to give to this family in their time of need. She amazes me daily. I have no interest in having more children. There is no way I could ever do better than I have already done. My daughter is my life, my happiness and my reason for living! She rocks!! Happy Birthday Bethany, I love you so very much! Mom |
| 29 Comments |
| Guess what? |
| 08.12.04 (1:04 pm) |
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I got a job...yup, a J O B!!! A good one too!! I am now employed by Del Monte! There was no interview, just showed up filled out some paper work and I start on Tuesday! My mom works for them and my new desk is directly across from hers!! I'm so very excited!! It's good money and good benefits! I can also wear jeans and tennis shoes to work!!!! Does it get any better? Isn't life grand?!! |
| 28 Comments |
| Motivation |
| 08.10.04 (8:39 pm) |
| I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever! I hate feeling this way..so lethargic. It takes ever ounce of energy just to get off the couch and go to the bathroom. How sad is that?! |
| 19 Comments |
| Under construction.... |
| 08.09.04 (11:16 pm) |
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Jenn is doing her absolute best trying to get everything just rigth...but still having difficulties! I love it...think it looks great and can't wait for her to get all the bugs out. What do you think? |
| 18 Comments |
| What's on special? |
| 08.07.04 (3:46 am) |
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When I was a little girl I used to dream of being a genie. Of having the ability to be anywhere or have anything, at the blink of an eye. I would literally sit in my room and try with all my might to blink myself some where else. Right now, if I could, I would blink myself to a beach, where no one else knew where I was. Some where that I could just relax and be myself. There would be no one there to judge me. There would be no one there asking me “What’s on special?” I am so tired of all these damn people that never take the time to just say hello. If my inner rage ever takes over, it will surely make the news! It’s very likely that the next time someone asks me that, I’m going to choke the living shit out of them!! You have to understand, I’m asked that on average of about 100 times a day everyday I work!! On the bright side….I am going to start training behind the bar!! Very excited about that! Lots more money! |
| 25 Comments |
| Girls will be girls…. |
| 08.05.04 (3:37 pm) |
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Going to the mall with two adolescent girls is worse than pulling teeth. We had a grand old time though!! I love going to North Park, it’s a quiet upper class mall that has all my favorite stores…with the exception of an Old Navy. The girls and I went to pick up a ring from James Avery. Billy and I decided in lieu of getting married…we were just going to have rings. We chose the =http://secure.jamesavery.com/...Martin Luther ring. Then it was off to Limited Too for the girls to do some “looking”. I should have known better, I can’t just look what makes me think they can?! After the purchase of two new bathing suits for the girls it was off to Starbucks and then home! I have had so much fun with the girls! They were perfect for me no spats or tiffs at all!! I think the change in atmosphere was just what they needed! I know it was a fabulous time for me! We lounged by the pool more these past few days than I have since I moved in here! I’m still struggling with something to blog about…but I’m off to work tonight and its comedy night…should have something to blog about before the night is over!! |
| 12 Comments |
| I got nuthin |
| 08.04.04 (9:19 pm) |
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More than a dozen times I've walked over and sat down at my computer. With every intention of blogging. However every time I do...I sit and think and think and nothing. I got nothing. I'll try again later....promise! |
| 12 Comments |
| I’m not Wonder Woman! |
| 08.02.04 (11:17 pm) |
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After a much needed heart to heart with Jenn, she made me realize that I’m not Wonder Woman, I’m not perfect, and I’m never going to be. This is not a bad thing. I want the world to see me as this invincible woman that can’t be broken. I’m not though, as much as I don’t want to admit it. I feel…I hurt…I’m weak…just like everyone else. I made a mistake…a huge mistake. I married a man that I loved, however I was not “in-love” with. Even though I left him, it left a scar, a HUGE one. I had the proverbial rebound relationship, which was very brief. Following that relationship, I stayed single, for four years. I was so paranoid of getting involved with someone and it not working out. This is when I literally threw myself into racing. The next four years I spent every weekend for ten months out of the year, at the track. I would meet men, however none of them could or wanted to compete with my racing. I was very dedicated, to a fault. When I decided that I wanted a more active social life, I put my racing on the back burner. One night, while hanging out with Josh, he took me to this new bar on Lower Greenville, a place called Mike’s Tree House. It was there I met a friend of his, named Billy. After much confusion with Josh not understanding which bartender to give my number to, I made a bold move and gave it to him myself. Two days later he called me back. We talked for over three hours. It was amazing and I remember it like it was yesterday. Our first date was to one of his friends Christmas party. That night he kissed me like I have never been kissed before. A kiss that literally made me week in the knees. You know the kind where they grab your face with both hands and pull you in. I knew right then and there this man was going to change my life, and he did……. He was so not my type either. Pretty much the exact opposite of anyone I had ever gone out with. Which is probably why I am so in love with him. He just gets me, like no man ever has. He knows just what to say when I need to hear it the most. Lately my fear has gotten in the way of this relationship. I’m so very afraid that I’m going to wake up and realize that it was all a dream. So much that I let it affect our relationship. So now I’m faced with the task of repairing the damage I’ve done. I hope that he can understand that I am scared, but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with only him. That just because I don’t want to say “I do” doesn’t mean that I don’t! That no matter how scared I am of admitting this, I do need him in my life. I never knew love like this before…and I don’t want to lose it! So, I’m off to find a “chair”... |
| 23 Comments |